The 21st century is one laced with wonders. Anything can happen, including a woman proposing marriage relationship to a man. In this report, SAMUEL ABULUDE writes on the rare occurrence and the scenarios of women making a marriage proposal to men.
Recently in Warri, Delta State, a Nigerian Lady was left confused after her boyfriend rejected her marriage proposal in public at PTI Junction in Warri. She was seen weeping uncontrollably as her embarrassed boyfriend tried to leave the scene that was almost becoming crowded.
A crowd had gathered with some people seen in a video which later broke the internet, interceding while asking the young man to reconsider her. On the other hand, others chastised him for using her and then refusing to marry her.
The heartbroken and helpless lady appeared determined to turn the ‘No’ into a ‘yes’ as she continued to plead with tears running down her face while she rolled over on the ground.
A similar incident had played out in a Lagos mall before now and the man also scampered.
An unidentified lady had invited her friend to the mall to surprise him by proposing to him but things turned out sour for her as her boyfriend left her at the scene and ran away.
The beautiful woman in the video had gone on her kneels to ask for her boyfriend’s hand in marriage but her hope was shattered after a long and supposedly reliable relationship.
There are many other similar cases in Nigeria in the past and other parts of the world.
Everything in the world is changing around us. With globalization and other issues having an effect on traditions and norms, a lot of fad and styles is being borrowed into our world and Africa from the western world. One of it is the scenario of a woman proposing marriage relationship to a man. It is seldom reported in this clime that a woman who is in love, with all effrontery decided to go on one her knee and propose to his man.
What is heard of is out of desperation or pressure from parents, a woman finds a way to hook the man and lead him to make a marriage proposal or out rightly propose to the man.
The idea of a woman proposing to a man is slowly gaining acceptance, it is still considered the norm for the man to initiate a marriage proposal.
No uncertainties or buts about it, it is a bad idea for a woman to propose
I think a woman who takes the initiative to propose is definitely strong in character and secure in her relationship,
I think a majority of the cases it’s an awful thought. I accept there is an excessive number of dangers or negatives that come along with a lady popping up the question “Will You Marry Me”?
Different reasons are indeed given as to what makes the woman to propose.
According to Mrs Julie Fadason, a resident of Abuja said, she proposed to her husband due to age factor and the need to start bearing children before menopause.
“I had to take the bull by the horn when I felt no marriage proposal was forthcoming despite being in a relationship for over five years with my husband.
“We were both not getting younger and we needed to act fast since we both wanted children,” she said.
Another woman, Gloria Nwachukwu, said that a woman proposing to a man was not wrong as it depended on the factors at play.
“On the issue of a woman proposing to a man, it depends. The woman may be well to do and under pressure to settle down and the man she is dating, has not said anything. She takes the bull by the horn to initiate the move since her man will still do it anyway. Though it may be frowned out in this clime, there is nothing really wrong if the woman is sure of the marital relationships and is not forcing her man,” says Gloria.
“These things have been there but it is just that they are not made public. I can tell you that most girls in this generation do it. How? The moment you ask a man question like: “what do you want from this relationship”, you are already proposing!, said Ogechi Maduka.
“We did it in our days in the university. That was how my boyfriend then (my husband) settled for me because I was able to let him see where I was heading to the moment I accepted dating him.
“There is nothing new or wrong about it. I will do it over and over again, she said.
According to some Nigerians, women who make marriage proposals to men should be applauded for their confidence rather than ridiculed, condemned or labelled ‘desperate’. However, others said they were against the trend, adding that such proposals had been and should remain the sole responsibility of the man.
In the western world, where the society is not totally traditional but cosmopolitan, women proposing to their men have gone on an increasing dimension.
According to the writer, Sarah Dorn from New York Post, many modern brides living in the age of female empowerment aren’t waiting for prince charming to pop the question. They’re taking their happily-ever-afters into their own hands.
Sarah profiled two women Rebecca Reed and Danielle Sinay proposed to their dates. “I knew if I proposed he would have a ring and I wouldn’t be like a kept woman,” said Rebecca Reed, who proposed to her boyfriend in July on their one-year anniversary date.
“I was like: I’m taking it by the balls and doing it.”
Reed refused to get on bended knee. Instead, the 34-year-old wedding photographer and her 36-year-old fiancé, Steven Jauch, had just finished dessert at Grand Army in Boerum Hill when she slipped a card across the table.
“In case you don’t want to be single Steve anymore,” he read from the note inside as Reed pulled out another surprise — a titanium engagement band she ordered off Amazon for $10.
“I did not get down on one knee. I felt like it is super antiquated and it was one reason I didn’t want him to propose to me,” Reed said. “He started laughing, because at first he assumed it was a joke, and so I had to go ‘No I’m serious. Will you marry me?’Jauch said yes. Their waitress brought congratulatory champagne and Reed snapped a photo of her ringless hand atop her new fiancé’s. When asked if the proposal was a blow to his masculinity, Jauch told The Post he was envious that Reed got to do the asking, but that his ego is just fine.
Another woman, Danielle Sinay, emboldened by the women’s movement, asked her boyfriend of three years to marry her in the month of October.
“Knowing it’s accepted and seen as something positive opposed to a flaw, I felt a lot better doing it,” she said.
A relationship expert said, “Our culture is changing, and if you are a heterosexual woman who wants to propose, you should.”
A New York Times article who sampled some experts in 2016 said, “Women don’t propose because they don’t want to be seen as less feminine, too sexual or too strong
Why Women Proposing Is Still Rare
Ireland’s leap year tradition has women asking, “Will you marry me?” But in general, men still propose.
“Men, on the other hand, felt powerless, rushed or confused why a woman wouldn’t wait for him to pop the question
“Traditions around marriage are also changing, she adds. While some wedding ceremonies are rooted in culture and tradition
In Nigeria where our traditions, custom and religious beliefs come to play, a women proposing to a man is indeed a no no as it cheapens the woman and displays desperation.
Relationship marriage counsellor, Gladys Obishili ,averred that the man should do the wooing.
She says, “It is the responsibility of the man in any serious relationship to do the asking. The woman’s part is to do the positioning. A lot of ladies will tell you that the reason they do the asking these days is because they know the man loves them but is too shy and introverted to ask, so they the outspoken ones do it for them. Others see it as been fast and smart before somebody else takes their prospective husband.
“But ideally, it’s not the best. A typical man is meant to lead, they are wired to take their rightful positions in leadership and call the short in their relationship while the woman supports. But as we can see in this time and season, and with so many exposures, people are beginning to do things as they feel neglecting the acceptable standard. Ladies hear this, when you choose to propose to a man, also prepare to take responsibility for the running of the home and making provisions when necessary, including paying the bills. A woman can ask the man with whom she has a relationship to define it and not just hang around her. This is safe, but to out rightly propose, I wouldn’t advise.”
When asked that some may have done it and gotten away with it, Mrs Obishili who is a minister of God responded,
“A lot of people do it. Mind you some of them are not saved and can do anything humanly possible to achieve their aim. I still maintain that it is safer to allow the men propose.